Archive for January, 2010

McFight

Sunday, January 31st, 2010

I frequented the McDonalds in the centre of Cambridge yesterday, to appease my craving for one of their cheeseburgers. Whilst I was stood patiently in the queue, it all began to kick off.

A man on the far right of the line of queues was glaring at a man on the far left of the queues. At first, I figured that the initial acknowledgement was one of friendship, but the “Wot you f***in’ lookin’ at” seemed to suggest otherwise.

As they locked heads and started exchanging words, most of which were the f-word or the really naughty one that nobody’s meant to say, it became apparent that they only had a few brain cells to share between them. Unfortunately, the amount of brain cells they had was not the requisite amount which ensures that a human knows how to utilise their brain cells.

No fists were thrown, but there was a considerable amount of head-locking followed by the loud shouting of brainless thuggery, accompanied by attempts to restrain the Neanderthals involved. One member of staff knew man-on-the-right and joined in the swearing and gesturing at man-on-the-left.  I, meanwhile, stayed alert and altered my coordinates so as not to be bowled over by said oafs.

After their little scuffle, the man on the right returned to scoffing fries whilst awaiting further food. The man on the left, I think, left the establishment. They had both embarrassed themselves, and the result was a scoreless draw. I thought it unwise to posit this opinion to the young gentlemen, so I refrained on this occasion.

There is my account of a McFight.

Olly’s Second Haiku Anthology

Thursday, January 28th, 2010

Some further haikus

for your consideration

I hope you like them

Haiku #9

He thought I said I

have a haiku but I said

I’ve a high IQ

Haiku #10

“Eat dirt!” I said. “I

do”, he replied, “I am a

most greedy earthworm”

Haiku #11

A haiku has much

more than fourteen syllables.

It has seventeen

Haiku #12

On and on and on

and on and on and on and

on and then nothing

Haiku #13

I cried and cried and

cried and then I cried some more

but at last I laughed

Olly’s Haiku Anthology

Thursday, January 28th, 2010

Here are some haikus

which I have carefully made

for you to look at:

Haiku #2.

Japanese Haiku

It’s pretentious poetry

Much overrated.

Haiku #3.

A haiku or two

and a new paper raincoat

both useless to you.

Haiku #4.

I can’t fit the words

that I really need to say

into this haiku

Haiku #5.

Haiku, a haiku

a pretty dreadful haiku

is just what this is

Haiku #6.

To be or not to

be that is the question I

don’t know the answer

Haiku #7.

These haikus are good

All I now ask for is a

lucrative book deal

Cambridge Property Lettings Saga, Part 159

Tuesday, January 26th, 2010

There are so many bad things to say about Cambridge Property Lettings that I must be up to or beyond number 159.

My housemate Martin replied to their email which blamed our washing up for failing to let the house, overlooking the many faults with the house evident from their own neglect of it, and the fact that they seem to take a contemptuous tone when talking to student tenants. In this response, he apologised that we could not do the washing up to the standard which they expect us to do, simply by way of being courteous even to unreasonable individuals.

Today they replied. Their suggestion was, rather amusingly: hire a cleaner. Better than that, they happened to know one we could hire for £10 per hour.

Maybe they forget that, unlike them, we don’t earn thousands upon thousands of pounds by virtue of doing nothing all day. We earn nothing as trainee teachers (save a small bursary and a little loan) whilst being useful to society. They earn lots by performing a task which simply involves taking money from those who have little, and giving it to those with lots. They are worse than worthless; they hinder social progress.

It’s hard to tell sometimes if they are deliberately taking the mickey, and being a stereotypically dreadful letting agent. It seems more plausible than them actually believing that they offer a good service.

Presumably more to follow…

[Fortunately, I am up to page 8 for a Google search of Cambridge Property Lettings, raising the faint hope that other potential victims may realise the scale of their possible mistake before signing a pact with the devil].

Haiti needs YOU

Tuesday, January 26th, 2010

Help Haiti to cope with the devastation of an earthquake measuring 7.0 on the Richter Scale. (This is MASSIVE, by the way). Donating is easy, and can be done via txt, online, by phone, or by post. See http://www.dec.org.uk/donate_now/. Haiti is the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere, and needs all the help we can muster.

To donate by text, send GIVE to 70077. Better still, visit https://www.donate.bt.com/dec_haiti_giftaid.html afterwards to reclaim the Gift Aid of £1.41. All the details are available at http://www.dec.org.uk/donate_now/.

Cambridge Property Lettings Strike Again

Monday, January 25th, 2010

The letting agent we rent our current house from is Cambridge Property Lettings. They are pioneers in the field of letting agent lousiness.

Let me remind you about the treatment we got from them when we were moving in (or trying to move in) to the house. I posted this as part of a blog on September 7 2009:

The lettings agent I’ve been dealing with are having the times of their lives scamming me out of money. Their website proclaims “minimal fees for tenants” whilst charging us £150 each to complete a form for them. They insisted that we couldn’t move in on the 28th August, but insisted with even more force that we had to be charged from that date. (You’d think that’s illegal, but apparently not). Meanwhile, in spite of the admin fees, they have sent a tenancy agreement around to us where they’ve not even spelt my surname correctly. And, upon reading the tenancy agreement, you soon discover that it’s a set of conditions that no prospective tenant should ever have to agree to, were it not for the fact that they’d essentially find themselves homeless if they didn’t submit to the unreasonable demands.

I was quite charitable there; I didn’t mention the patronising tone and attitude of contempt which truly defines their customer service. Anyhow, they decided a short while ago to begin the letting process for next year. We’d been here four months of our twelve month tenancy (though the original tenancy was only supposed to last until July, they seemed to sneak a couple extra months in), and they’re forcing us to decide if we want the house for the next year.

Few people in our position know whether they will be able to secure a job and remain in the area eight months in advance of their renewal time, but this is Cambridge Property Lettings, and it’s how they work.  It is totally unreasonable, but judging by the fees they charge to check a completed form, why not get new tenants whenever possible?

They have now showed a couple of groups round the house for next year, and earlier today I received a ’so-bad-it’s-funny’ email from one of their staff. The first paragraph explained:

Last week, we conducted several viewings at the house, as you know.  Unfortunately, the condition in which you are keeping the house has been commented upon by all the groups (even though they themselves were students) and has put them off taking the house.

They were referring to washing up, and a room ‘with so much on the floor it was not possible to go in’. This is funny on several counts. Firstly, the room they are probably referring to barely has a floor to walk on – that is how small it is. It is barely accessible anyway. Secondly, the washing up pales in comparison to the obvious signs that Cambridge Property Lettings don’t maintain the property as they should.

Where to begin? The unstoppable mould invasion on the bathroom because they won’t fit an extractor fan? The food on surfaces because there is no storage space in the kitchen? The fact that my room would have been freezing cold because the windows don’t close? The fact that the door of my room won’t close? The fact that they have left years of junk in the cupboard of our house and in the garden? The fact that one bedroom has no heating and another is tiny?

It’s just so funny that they think we’re to blame for this. Not their contemptuous tone towards others, perhaps?

Nope, apparently it was washing up wot did it.

More on Cambridge Property Lettings to follow soon. I’m not finished with these scumbags.

Lamenting the Supposed Creepiness of a Compliment

Sunday, January 24th, 2010

Via a bizarre set of circumstances, I discovered that somebody felt my toast to a friend last week was a little odd. In my toasts, of which there are only three so far, I briefly summarise what is amazing about a person whom I believe to have exceptional moral fortitude or strength of character.

All too often these days, people complain about negative things without praising positive things. I would not want to be such a person. Highlighting what I respect about people in this way is, for me, an important way of encouraging people to continue to be nice. It seems sadly true that nice people just don’t get the recognition they deserve for being so generous and considerate.

This is why any suggestion that a compliment of this nature is weird angers me greatly. Sometimes it is just decent to compliment somebody for the good that they do, without having a hidden agenda, or hoping for anything in return. Sometimes, it’s just nice to think that registering your admiration for somebody’s character might encourage them to stay strong if their resilience ever falters, which is a likely occurrence in a harsh society such as this.  It’s the same kind of sentiments which cause people to view genuine generosity with some kind of suspicion. Sometimes, people just want to do a good turn.

The only reason that it is possible to view one of my toasts, or complimentary posts as odd, is because people simply don’t compliment or thank each other enough. This is not my fault.

What makes this amusingly more anger-inducing is that the person in question attempted to use this praise as evidence for my girlfriend that she ought not be with me. Why? Because the person I praised happened to be a different girl perhaps? Who knows. But it is pathetic to twist an honest attempt to express my respect for someone into a sign that I am somehow an unreliable boyfriend. Ignorance like this troubles me.

On Human Greed

Sunday, January 24th, 2010

One of the things which makes human beings stand out as exceptional creatures is their ability to deny their own nature for the common good. Look at people who abstain from sex; they tend to believe that sex is something special which needs to be guarded, so they repress their own desires to (in their eyes) benefit society.

I have often argued this above point to praise what humans are capable of. Whilst promoting the power of humanity, I have often stated that a human’s ability to deny their own natures for the good of others makes them remarkable. However, there is a more cynical and arguably more realistic way of reflecting on this issue.

There are many humans, particularly those in positions of power, who are aware of the damage that satisfying their desire for wealth has on society. Knowing that they are playing an active role in perpetuating inequality, they remain content to earn a living via ways which are socially irresponsible.

It would not be wise to argue that the recent crisis in the banking sector was caused by stupidity. Few bankers could really, having consulted even their own meagre consciences, denied that their job is socially useless. By and large, “fat cats” have been aware that they were making an extravagant living by running the masses’ future prospects into the ground. It didn’t matter to them, because they were satisfying their own disgustingly exorbitant appetites for material possessions.

Likewise, there are hordes of intelligent journalists who write articles for odious publications like The Sun, The Daily Express and The Daily Mail who are fully aware that the opinions they print, carefully constructed to persuade the gullible, are completely ludicrous and designed merely to cash in on petty prejudices. They know that they are making it increasingly impossible to build a fairer and more compassionate society, but choose instead to taste the rewards of quick remuneration and respect from people that they have denied a proper education.

Both bankers and journalists of this kind are aware of how their indulgence damages society, but see no reason why it is their responsibility to do anything about it. Knowing fully well that humans possess the ability to be selfless, and that selflessness would remove swathes of people from situations of gross injustice, they continue to reap the rewards of a corrupt system whilst strengthening the system itself. Put simply, they choose to be selfish over being selfless, in complete awareness that it harms more people that it benefits.

This causes an ever-growing obstacle to progress, and is highly depressing.

To summarise, it is a wonderful thing about humanity that some people repress their own selfish desires to look after the interests of others, but a more depressing thing that people who know the advantages which could be gained from this, use their cunning to instead profit from and perpetuate a stupidly unjust model for society.

This links to an ongoing debate I have with a friend, who fears that imposing a hefty rate of taxation on high-earners would cause a ‘brain drain’. I wonder if this is only true if you equate braininess with desire to profit materially from your braininess. I wonder if a great chunk of the greedy (yet influential) would leave for a less taxing nation, leaving a remainder of altruistic and intelligent people who previously had little influence but have a greater desire to improve everybody’s lives as opposed to their own.

We have to find a way to build a society where it is in one’s own interests to do what is in the population’s interests as a whole, in the short term and the long term. A society in which it is entirely pointless to simply look out for one’s self. This is why governments need to be strong and deny the ruling class (and let’s not pretend that there isn’t one), of the undue influence which they use to maintain their grasp on resources, power, and essentially, happiness.

High taxation would benefit the masses. It would scare many wealthy people off, but we’d be better off without them. For a while, it is quite possible we’d be materially worse off by doing this, but in the long run, it would build a brilliant foundation for a society where it is simply ridiculous to tolerate the levels of greed which are essentially encouraged and worshipped in our current society.

A Dubious Claim

Wednesday, January 20th, 2010

If you want to see examples of falsehoods craftily distorted into purported facts, the best place to start is advertising. During my university years in York I saw a container outside Halford’s with a signed attached, proudly declaring the presence of “Great Christmas Gifts” within said container. What was in it? Sponges and de-icer.

Yep, a great Christmas lined up for some lucky recipients.

One advert which is presently making me chuckle is from Subway, the purveyor of suspicious-smelling baguettes, which allegedly each contain more salt than the whole of Utah. In its window I saw the proclamation “Two can dine (at Subway) for £7.99″. Here’s what I don’t understand: at which point did eating a collapsing baguette out of paper wrapping in a funkily-fragranced fast food outlet become ‘dining’? This is patently not dining.

You should, at the very least, need a knife and fork. When people say ‘wined and dined’, they don’t mean ‘downed a lambrini round the back of Tesco’s and had a meatball marinara’. They mean ‘went out to a luvverly restaurant. Subway, it would seem, begs to differ (at least partially).

A toast to… Emma Miles

Sunday, January 17th, 2010

I think this is the third toast I’ve made on my blog so far, such is the rarity with which a toast is raised in praise of someone’s general goodness. This time, please join me in raising a virtual wine glass, or indeed a real one if there’s one to hand, for Emma Miles.

I met Emma on the Primary PGCE a few months back, and have come to know her as someone with a tremendous sense of humour, a selfless sense of morality, and who can demonstrate a level of empathy that I only wish was commonplace. Her principles are based on treating other people fairly, and there is no higher guiding philosophy in life than this.

As with all of life’s good people, we should wish her the best of luck for whatever she does and hope that she remains more or less exactly the same as the lovely individual that she is. It would be reassuringly and surprisingly nice if meritocracy was proven to be in reasonable health, through Emma’s being met with the considerable success that she deserves.