You can’t put a price on doodles like this. Of course, that’s a lie. The price is £100,000. Get it before it’s gone. I am probably being bombarded with enquiries as we speak. Not from Dubai though, they’re bankrupt now.

At just £100,000, you won’t have found a deal this good since Woolworth’s closed down last year. Make me an offer I can’t refuse. (The offer is that 100K I was on about by the way).

One hundred thousand smackers – that’s £100,000 – will net you this. If it was any good, I’d say it was my magnum opus.

Buy this one-off piece de resistance from me for a penny above £99,999. You won’t regret it. (After the initial ten years of regret has worn off and your investment in stocks and shares has covered your loss). Just message me.

Relieve me of this picture by inserting the negligible sum of £100,000 into my bank account. Go on, it’ll look beautiful in a dimly-lit room. Badger me via this website, or use Owl-mail, to begin the acquisition process.

You can purchase this bad boy off me now for the ludicrously inexpensive price of £100,000. Just pop a message in my direction and we’ll sort something out.

This doodle-o-gram is up for the bargain price of a mere £100,000. Get in touch with me to acquire this masterpiece.

Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, I introduce to you something which may make me very wealthy. If somebody purchases one of the entities which I am about to share with you, I may be able to purchase a loaf of bread or something.

Yes, in the next post, I’m going to show you Olly’s Doodle-o-gram #1, shortly followed by six other posts also containing a doodle-o-gram. Handcrafted using some A4 paper and some rather funky pens which I own, I’ve produced some patterns born from boredom and laced with ingenuity. Okay, I’m overhyping, but I nonetheless aim to sell each doodle-o-gram for £100,ooo each. Oh the audacity.

You see, most modern and contemporary art is absolutely and utterly pants. It is neither aesthetically pleasing, nor particularly meaningful, nor did it require any discernible talent to produce, and yet people are prepared to fork out a lot of money to place it in a prominent position on a newly-ruined wall. Well, I’d like to think my doodle-o-grams are, at the very least, quite nice to look at. And, if nobody finds them remotely pleasing then they can remain as they are, which does not bother me. But, if the one-in-a-gazillion chance of people finding them worth parting with £100,000 for became a reality, I might actually be able to pay off my Everest-sized student debt.

There is logic there, trust me.

Each doodle-o-gram is true to modern art in that it has a title which bears no relation to the picture in question. Beautifully pretentious. Enjoy.