Posts Tagged ‘swine flu’

Swine Flu linked to toys in Cambridgeshire hospital

Thursday, October 15th, 2009

I write to you from the comfort of my own room following a sort-of-dinner-party at my house, which sort-of descended into “Be mean to Olly” night. Why do I write amidst such a hostile atmosphere? To bring you important news.

I once noted on this blog whilst I was working in an office some months ago, that the company had removed all tea towels from the office kitchens in order to prevent the spread of swine flu. I yesterday noted that this elevated me to the lofty position of fourth on the Google search for ‘can tea towels spread swine flu’. Today I have more interesting Swine Flu news.

At Addenbrokes, the large hospital which serves Cambridge and its environs, all toys have been removed from waiting areas as a further act of flu prevention. Once again, I must reiterate how glad I am that they have determined that the spread of swine flu is due to something as simple as this, and that with the issue resolved, we can all continue to lead our swine flu-free lives. Panic over folks.

High up on Google, but for some pretty weird things

Wednesday, October 14th, 2009

I didn’t think I had anything much to say this evening. In fact, I was about to turn in. Until I decided to check a little techy thing called “Google Analytics”. Basically, it monitors the traffic heading to my website. It tells me roughly where the computers viewing my site are viewing it from (to the city), what kind of browser they’re using, and how they got to the site.

Quite a few people get to a site via a Google search of some kind, and naturally if you search “Olly Fayers” then this site is right up top. In fact, if you type my name into Google and hit the dangerous button labelled “I’m Feeling Lucky” then I’ll appear almost right away. However, little did I know that the same would work for the query “don’t even sound same” – this being my impression of Alexsandr the meerkat from Compare the Meerkat. Better still, I am the fourth best Google result for “can tea towels spread swine flu”. This is a curious boast.

I also happen to know that either an old friend of mine searched for himself and found his name on my site, or someone else searched for him and found my site. How strange is that? You just gotta love Google.

The piggy flu cometh…

Monday, June 29th, 2009

For the last week, I’ve been reconciling myself with the fact that I will probably suffer swine flu within the next few months.

Firstly, the news that more and more schools in Cambridgeshire are closing following the positive diagnosis of one or more of their pupils. The schools of Cambridgeshire are where I’ll be undergoing teacher training next year, so that’s one way I could catch it. Bearing in mind that this lovely illness is predicted to be more virulent in Winter, when I begin there, I can’t see myself avoiding it for long.

Secondly, and closer in time and space, the person I sit next to at work informs me that her friend’s husband’s work-colleague’s daughter has the flu of the pigs, which I almost laugh off as it resembles a very tenuous claim to fame, albeit with disease instead of celebrity. Anyway, that is reason number two for why I’m up soon.

Thirdly though, is the news I got tonight, and this is just about going to seal the deal I should think. My girlfriend works as a teaching assistant in a school. On Friday, she was repeatedly spluttered all over by a pupil. The cause of their spluttering has now been confirmed as swine flu. Lucy, bless her, started feeling a little ill on Sunday – whilst she was visiting me for the weekend. If she has it, then there’s a good chance I’ve got it already. One of her colleagues has also been diagnosed with the virus, so it’s not impossible that a battle is taking place within myself right now, as swine flu attempts to hijack my wellbeing. Only time will tell.

To be honest though, I can’t say I’m particularly bothered. I’m not sure I’ve really had flu before, but I have always feared it. The rumour is that this flu is no worse than the usual ones, and this was confirmed by a text message from Lucy’s colleague. Only difference with this one is that people haven’t had it before. There’s a lack of immunity, so I just have that slight unease that it’s on it’s way, but I just don’t know when. Come to think of it, my joints are aching a little and I feel a tad queasy. Fingers crossed that it’s just me thinking about it…

Swine Flu Fever

Wednesday, May 6th, 2009

‘Swine flu fever’ has hit my workplace. Not Swine Flu itself, or Swine Fever, but Swine Flu Fever – a disease which causes people to panic unneccessarily and take bizarre measures to prevent something which is essentially common flu. Yesterday, the tea-towels in both kitchens underwent a mysterious disappearence. This had people vexed for a short while, after which it emerged that they had been removed to prevent the spread of Swine Flu. Thankfully for me and all my colleagues, the people who take care of these things at my office were the first people to realise that rogue tea-towels are the source of the pestilence. Once word gets out to the rest of the nation that tea-towels are the cause of the flu’s diffusion, I feel certain that we can all sleep well again, free of the fear that we will be turned into a vomiting, oinking, and sniffing mess.

Today, laminated posters were put up to remind staff of their hand-washing technique. ‘Apply water before applying soap’ – now I know what I was doing wrong! Apparently, liquid soap is preferable too. As you can see, the effects of Swine Flu Fever are significant, and cause serious delusions in all sufferers. My advice – circulate posters on how to combat Swine Flu Fever immediately. Get them to your line managers. Fast. Before the spread is unstoppable.